Do married men get to be rejected more often in sex?
One day, a friend came to visit us, and started a conversation about open relationship and its effect on normal relationship.
Eventually, our discussion was narrowed down to the sex issue as expected.
Is it good for relationship?
How influential is sex in a relationship?
In all my research on couples' communication, I discovered that sexual communication is the hardest to achieve and relationships reach their dead end at this point. Somehow, it’s very hard for partners to be fully open about their feelings when it comes to sexual communication.
That was why I decided to write this post, which is aimed at explaining some enlightened points I had about sexual communication.
To be on the same page, I’d like to begin with the idea that men and women have different progression towards sexual arouse.
And if you don’t agree with this assumption, there is no point for you to keep reading this post.
Well, you are still here!
The first and commonest misunderstanding of sexual communication is that men and women going through the same process as they approach sexual arouse. But the fact remains that men and women reach orgasm in different ways.
For men, sexual stimulation starts in their mind and has nothing to do with the physical surroundings, and the erotic touch comes after to help them reach orgasm. However, when it comes to women, the physical sensation that comes with the erotic touch is where the sexual arouse begins and mind stimulation follows before they reach orgasm.
These differences often bring the man to the sexual activity well fed, (as a result of autonomous sexual stimulation from his mind),meaning, he is fully horny before he even touched the woman, and usually oblivious of the fact that his partner at that point was just busy thinking of totally something else like, how she needs to return a call to one of her colleagues at work.
At this point, this woman is not going through any sexual arousal that is readily running in the man's mind and she has no clue that something is being built up in his mind.
This misunderstanding is one of the greatest barriers of the sexual communication, and the only way to overcome this barrier is for the woman to be aware of the fact that the man's arouse is one step ahead.
For the man to stay in the game, he should help his partner completing her first step of the sexual arouse. The man should always be aware of the fact that his partner is not there yet, and to be more patient until she is tuned with him.
Another barrier (not necessarily smaller) is control issue.
Since the first step happens in the man's mind without the woman's awareness, she feels like she is forced into the game when no one asked her whether she wants to play at all. It makes her feel like her body is being violated compelling her to reject her man.
The man who often feel deeply offended by the woman rejection needs to understand women sexual arousal deferential and start revealing his mental sexual arouse from the start, let his partner know about it in the primarily stage of the arouse giving up the advantage of coming to the sexual activity fully horny.
On the other hand, women need to understand that rejection is a slippery slope and too many rejections would leave her man in the dark, frustrated, not knowing when his partner is ready for sexual activity.
The accumulated frustration in the man that results from rejection and failure to express his sexual desire often leads to negative feelings and eventually destroys the art of sexual communication in relationship.
Sexual communication like I said is the hardest skill to achieve in relationships you need to find it within yourself, sit together with your spouse and brainstorm your ideas together.